How to choose a nursing home or assisted living facility

A practical guide for families deciding under pressure — often in the 72 hours before a hospital discharge.

Conflict-free: no facility pays us anything, ever

Most "free senior advisors" are paid a commission by the facilities they recommend — often a full month's rent — and only show you facilities in their network. This guide has no network and no commissions. It's the checklist we'd use for our own family, built from the same public inspection data behind our facility report cards.

Email me the checklist

1Build a shortlist of 3–5, on data — not marketing

Start from inspection records, not brochures. Tour quality and lobby decor are managed impressions; staffing levels and violation histories are not.

Use our report cards to compare grades, then open each facility's official CMS Care Compare profile (linked from every report card).
Hard exclusions: any facility flagged as a Special Focus Facility (chronic poor performance under federal watch) or carrying a CMS abuse icon. With other options available, don't spend a tour on these.
Distance matters more than families expect: residents whose family visit often get measurably better attention. A B+ facility 10 minutes away usually beats an A− facility an hour away.

2Call before you tour — the two questions that disqualify fastest

Don't tour a facility that can't take your situation. Two phone questions eliminate half of most shortlists:

"Do you have a bed available for [needed date]?" — Availability is not published anywhere. The only way to know is to call.

"Do you accept [Medicare / Medicaid / our long-term-care insurance], and for how long?" — Many facilities take Medicare's short-term rehab benefit but will require you to move out (or pay privately) when it ends. If Medicaid may eventually be needed, ask now whether they accept it and whether a private-pay period is required first. Get the answer in writing before signing anything.

3Read the staffing numbers like an analyst

Staffing is the single strongest predictor of care quality in the research, and it's public data. On our report cards (and Care Compare) look for:

Total nurse staffing hours per resident per day (HPRD). Federally funded research has long pointed to about 4.1 hours as the level needed to reliably avoid care problems. The national median is well below that. Treat under ~3.5 as a question to raise, and under ~3.0 as a serious concern.
RN hours specifically. Aides provide most hands-on care, but registered nurses catch the clinical problems. Very low RN time (under ~30–40 minutes per resident per day) is a flag.
Weekend staffing. Facilities staff down on weekends; the size of the drop tells you what the floor looks like when nobody's watching.
Turnover. Nursing staff turnover above ~50%/year means the people caring for your parent next quarter aren't the ones you met on the tour. High turnover correlates strongly with citations.

4The tour: what to actually look at

Tour at an unscheduled-feeling time if you can — late morning on a weekday is staged; try late afternoon, or drop by briefly on a weekend. Checklist:

Smell, honestly assessed, in resident hallways — not the lobby.
Are residents up, dressed, and engaged — or parked unattended in hallways?
How do staff speak to residents when they don't know you're listening?
Call-light response: note an active call light and time it discreetly.
Ask aides (not the tour guide): "How long have you worked here?" Short answers everywhere = the turnover number is real.
Ask: "Who would my mother's doctor be, and how often is the medical director actually here?"
Eat or at least look at a meal being served, and watch whether residents who need feeding help get it.
Ask how they communicate with families: scheduled care conferences? Who calls you when something happens?

5Before you sign: contract red flags

Third-party guarantee: language making you personally liable for the resident's bill. Federal law prohibits requiring this in nursing homes — strike it or walk.
Binding arbitration clauses: you usually cannot be required to sign one as a condition of admission. Decline it; facilities admit residents without it.
Vague discharge terms: understand exactly when the facility can make your parent leave (payer change, "needs we can't meet") and what notice is required.
For assisted living: get the full fee schedule — base rent plus care-level charges. The advertised rate is rarely what month three costs. Ask what triggers a care-level increase and who decides.
Have an elder law attorney review before signing if anything is unclear; one hour of review is cheap insurance against a guarantee clause.

Getting the real price — and why nobody will just tell you

Why prices are hidden: no government agency collects assisted-living prices, and nursing homes' private rates aren't published either — so there is no public price list anyone can show you, including us. The referral sites that do hold quotes keep them behind a phone call: facilities pay them roughly a month's rent per move-in, so your phone number is their product. On our report cards we show your state's median market rate (CareScout Cost of Care Survey, updated annually) so you know the ballpark before you call — nationally in 2025 that's about $6,200/month for assisted living and $315/day ($9,600/month) for a semi-private nursing-home room. Individual facilities range widely around those medians.

The quote you'll get first is not the real number. Assisted-living pricing is base rent plus care charges, and the care charges are where budgets die. Work the checklist:

Get the full fee schedule in writing: base rate by unit type, every care-level tier, medication management, and any one-time "community fee" or deposit (often $2,000–$5,000+ — frequently negotiable or waivable).
Ask who performs the care assessment, what triggers a reassessment, and what each level adds per month. A $4,500 quote at "Level 1" can be $6,500 by month six at "Level 3" — this is normal, so budget for it up front.
Ask for the last three years of rate increases. 4–8% per year is typical; a facility that won't answer is telling you something.
Ask what happens when the money runs out: do they accept Medicaid (or your state's waiver)? Is there a required private-pay period first? Will your parent be discharged on spend-down? Get it in writing.
Ask about second-person fees (for couples), respite or trial-stay rates, and what's actually included — laundry, transportation, and incontinence supplies are common à-la-carte surprises.
Get the refund, hold-the-bed, and discharge policy in writing — what you owe if your parent is hospitalized, moves, or dies mid-month.
Negotiate. When occupancy is soft, move-in specials, waived community fees, and rate locks are all on the table — especially at the end of a quarter. It's a market; act like a buyer.

Compare every quote against your state's median (shown on each of our report cards): a quote far below median deserves as many questions as one far above it — ask what's been cut to get there.

How paying for care actually works (60-second version)

Medicare only covers short-term skilled care: up to 100 days after a qualifying inpatient hospital stay, fully paid for days 1–20, with a significant daily copay after that — and coverage ends earlier if progress stops. Medicare does not pay for long-term custodial care.

Medicaid is the main payer of long-term nursing home care, after the resident's assets are spent down to state limits. Rules and waiting lists vary by state; assisted living is covered only in some states via waivers.

Private pay / LTC insurance covers everything else. Assisted living is mostly private pay. If a spend-down toward Medicaid is plausible, choose a facility that accepts Medicaid now so a move isn't forced later.

This is general information, not legal or financial advice — payer rules have exceptions and change.